Monday, February 3, 2014

The Plastic Devils

Dufda reminisces about a time when he would meet his friends and play marbles out in the dusty desert.  They would collect all the different colors and sizes.  He would even pull them up on the computer now and explain why American marbles were so rare in Jordan and vice versa.  Never forgetting to remind me that they were just 5 Jordanian cents.  So he wasn't really in the dusty desert I just like to throw that in for good measure but when we were little we played with actual toys.  Ones that promoted imagination through building and making.

When I was pregnant with Nugget I vowed to make sure he had toys that were purposeful and not annoying. I was on my own personal mission to ban plastic from my house...then the baby came and so did the plastic and the background noise of cow's mooing and dogs barking out of worn out speakers.  The toy companies could not make these toys any more annoying if they tried.

I have five arch nemesis in my house that may be chucked out the window with no notice if I lose it one day.

Intruder #1 V-Tech Fly and Learn Airplane

As I write this post, Nugget is playing behind me and all I here is: "The cat is on board!" "The dog is on board!" Airplane propellers.  1. Animals don't man air crafts 2. Why would you put cats and dogs on the same plane, they hate each other.  It would go crashing down after "Every one's on board, Let's countdown to take off...3,2,1 Take off"  CRASH!  It is never ending and super annoying.  Best part...we have 2 of these gems.  I bought this as Nugget's first toy when I was like 6 months pregnant.  I thought it was just fantastic and cute.  At that time I did not know my hatred from plastic and the repetition that comes with the toys.  In addition to the annoying sounds and phrases, Nugget eats the string all day.  It used to be it is grey, gross.

Intruder #2 Fisher Price Laugh and Learn Table

I can't tell you how many times I have seen this table pop up in pictures of other mother's houses so I know a lot of you are in the same hell hole that I am with this toy.  Put this thing in Spanish mode and you will be pushed off your rocker for sure.  "Green, Verde! Blue, Azul!"  Yes we just learned Spanish...over and over and over again.  After you are done with your Spanish lesson please tell me where the damn purple phone is.

Intruder #3 Follow Me Fred

I willingly purchased Fred as one of Nugget's Christmas presents.  Now we are going to buy Fred a dog house...across the river, down the road and in the next county.  Fred moves on his own and never stops.  The music is eerily creepy and reminds me of an Are You Afraid of The Dark episode.  If you don't have him already, keep Follow Me Fred in the toy store.  Woof, Woof!

Another Christmas present gone wrong.  Every child needs a walker, right?  This is the one we picked.  Once again...Where is that damn phone?  What is it with babies and purple phones that they feel so compelled to yank them off of every toy.  Have OCD?  Don't get this toy.  Once the shapes are placed back in their correct position it creates a magnetic force field that only babies are attracted to causing them to dropped whatever they are doing, run over to the walker and clip them out of position.  The coolest remote ever would not distract Nugget from removing these shapes.  Mooo!

Intruder #5 VTech Go! Go! Smart Wheels Van

The smallest of the bunch but arguably the most annoying.  I bought this because it was on sale for some ridiculous cheap price.   It actually belongs on a VTech SmartTrak which we do not have and bless the hearts of any family who has to put up with more than one of these.  "V is for Van!"  'Vans are so cool!"  Is this Vtech's way of making kids think their moms car is the coolest? "Ride along in my van!" "Beep, Beep!"  It just goes on and on.

My favorite part of all of these toys: the off switch! Which toy do you hate the most?


  1. Ha! My boys have helicopter on a string like that. It is so loud being pulled around on the ceramic tiles. They also have a Follow Me Fred (I didn't know that was its name) thankfully they got it second hand and it doesn't make noise.

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